Everyday ennui

Two young men
chat the domestic. They can’t
be older than me, by much.
Maybe they’re younger.

A dishwasher installed in a home
kitchen is the savior of one’s relationship. They both chuckle.

Gently talking shop (which is life, obviously) they seem so content.

One is doing yoga with his girlfriend, who is very serious; they talk
finances now, savings, insurance, rent — something I can’t make out.

I wish the world would swallow us all.

french holidays

happy easter, honey.

I hope your sister doesn’t get abused
by her husband, your brother-in-law.

hopefully you find some eggs today with
candy, and I hope your new boyfriend

likes going down on you, and you figure
out how to cum. later, I hope that when you get

pregnant it’s because you wanted to,
and not that your husband just really needed

a boy, (“and anyway, he travels so much!”)
and I hope labor is easy and there are

no complications. I hope your kids are great

and I hope that I never meet them.

it comes in threes

ugh, girl of some dreams
mirita. dressed up,

craiglist hookup

***

what a still night, what a weird still night
lightening right above you, that doesn’t happen
often.

why can’t I see you more?

the storm was all around us, but there was not wind.
the trees did not move. the light up above moved
that was all.

I think a tornado is coming.

***

writing stuff on a post-it
wasting time
waiting for the bathroom

a line of one:
that’s me.
you’re probably wondering
how I got here…

freeze frame,
(laughter)

haha, that was a good joke
–hope I don’t piss my pants–

sometimes things go in reverse.
sometimes the end was the beginning.

this is one of those times.

roadkill

over ten dead skunks on the side of the road
and an opossum, bleeding out in the middle
of a neighborhood street. this seems an inordinate

amount of animal death for a month and a half
worth of time. maybe I’m just becoming better
at spotting a wild carcass.

we had an opossum at the nature center; she was
a popular animal among Asian tourists I was told.
the one in the street was caught by my headlights

leaning on shaky, busted limbs. gore was pouring
out its broken mouth. I wanted to pull over and
kill it

to end the suffering. so it could not just play dead,
but stay
that way.

you know me. I couldn’t do anything but drive on.
and I wondered what would have happened had I hit
the creature with my car, swerved to knock it closer
towards the black. would that have been kindness?

I think the skunks are an omen, and the dying
marsupial is a bloody message trying to drive
home some point. I can’t speak nature to save my life.
I can glean as much meaning from a bird song as

a mustelid corpse. maybe I counted wrong. maybe
there were thirteen dead skunks.
that would have to mean something. but maybe
I’m just becoming better at spotting a wild carcass.

Stop that!

‘I like your hair,’ gently twirling it and
with a slight tug, you sorta whispered

in some early daylight phase. Our fingers
were linked, index only, and my brain did

that thing where it forgets where my body
ends and yours begins.

I lost it there, because the last time morning
noises poured into a city apartment window

life felt so great. It was neat, but not gaudy
like my grandpa used to say. You used to say

‘I like you,’ and ‘make some time for me,’
and ‘I’m glad I got to see you.’

Tricky, tricky. It’s easy to convince oneself
something can work when you’re the one

being chased. Maybe the story of wild sex
on New Year’s Eve in a post-modern lake house

basement bedroom was too much too soon.
It’s not fair. I had so many other good things
to share, but like, what’s the point? You really
don’t seem
to give a shit.

here comes another dream poem

yo, you straight up ditched on a date
in my dream. or, rather, you rejected my invitation
out for drinks
in my very own dream. wild. the indifference
is astounding. I am astounded.

*

it was so much
like a switch
the way you went from pulling me in for a kiss,
a giggle,
and then kicking me out of your apartment
before 9 am. on / off
jesus christ, you didn’t even go to church that one time.
I like brunch, you know. I can laugh and talk
about fashion with the rest of the girls.

***

I had a crazy fantasy. I fantasized about having a wife
for the first time in
probably years, I don’t know.

fantasy wife, wild. she was a grad student and I
was a professor (laughable) and I was older
but not bent yet, and she had long black hair
and quoted William Carlos Williams to me,
and I asked her to marry me in the kitchen.

she always wore black, too; I didn’t know her
name. maybe it’s an omen, this fantasy.
maybe the witches are closing in.

**

you hadn’t heard of The Band before.
now ‘Ophelia’ always makes me think of you.
what a curse. goddamn,
ma’am, am I to be slapped by your face
hitting my thoughts every time Levon sings
‘boards on the window
mail by the door’?

savoir faire

yes, it’s true, it’s been a while since a girl
like you has made my arms go numb and

my mind all shaky. like you. like anyone,
seems like. my heart can be described through

bad metaphor; as in, compared to cracked stone
or dirty ice, or dull and metal.

really it’s just flesh, and it twitches and spurts just
like all the rest.
and you, you make it beat hard like unwanted
stomp yard sounds.
get me off the ground, and then, please, leave
me alone. I can’t
stand how I pant in your presence, and you, serenely

turning to anyone, saying something casual like,
“he tried to kiss me again”